Sunny Jones. I really do think she’s one of the most lovely people I know. She also is the reason that there are any beautiful photos of my child. Though I disagree, she describes herself this way, “Jack of all trades and truly the master of none. I have two jobs from home, three kids, knit, and watch crime stories with cheap wine before bed. Also, I’m obsessed with everything white. And linen. That really does sum me up 100%.” She’s also funny. She says that all she really ever wanted out of life was to get married to a boy with blonde, curly hair and have babies. But, as evidenced in these photos,  she married a boy with dark straight hair and had three boys (one with blonde curls for good measure). She’s been a photographer for ten years, and recently took a position as a Creative Content Manager for Snuggle Me Organic. She says, “I work a lot to be a stay at home mom, but God made it happen and I’m super grateful to be doing things that I love with the people I love near.”

How did you celebrate Mother’s Day?

What is unique about your motherhood journey?

What I say is unique really doesn’t feel so unique to me anymore. I feel like everyone struggles in some way with fertility or healthy pregnancies these days (which is thanks to people like you for being transparent). We never got pregnant. We just assumed it would happen, and month after month turned into two years and we (well, I) panicked. My sweet husband never seemed to show fear, and I remember finally breaking down angry at him one day asking why he didn’t care if he was to never be a father. He just smiled at me and said, “Yes, I will be, Sunny. You’ll be a mother too. It may not look how we imagine, but we WILL have a family. I’m confident in that.” I was so desperate to have that mentality and jealous of his peace with it all, but I just ached to be a mommy and every day was super painful to endure as friends began building families around me. I truly never felt resentment or even jealousy, but I had plenty of pity parties for myself and asked  a lot of “Why, God?” between the tears. I think we assume motherhood is an option without hesitation when we’re young. It’s this “When I have babies…” mentality, and the fact is, a lot of us don’t make it to that point. We went through fertility treatments at a clinic here in Birmingham, and got pregnant on a 3% chance that the doctor recommended we abandon because it didn’t seem like it was going to work. Days later I got a phone call I never dreamed I would receive. Our little “Hail Mary” is now a five year boy named Sheppard, and the spitting image of his Daddy. My husband jokes that he’s glad they look alike considering our likelihood of conceiving was slim to none. I love that we had such a slim chance the time it worked, because it truly gave God the glory in our story. I went on to conceive two more boys naturally, and thank goodness I have something that resembles me in the mix now.

What is something about motherhood that has made you strong in Christ?

Motherhood. Motherhood in it’s entirety made me stronger in Christ. Something about the moment you conceive changes you. Motherhood is this total sacrifice of your body, your time, your sleep. You don’t have sick days or vacation time or the ability to escape it. You don’t matter half as much as you did before it all began. And, guys, you just don’t care do you? I mean yes, I’d love a good day off here and there, but I’d probably spend it looking at videos of them on my phone. Something about having them has made me understand that love that I was told the Lord had for me growing up. You finally understand the depths of grace, parables like the prodigal son, and a love that surpasses your own life for the sake of theirs. Having children gave me a perspective that I didn’t have before, and humbled me to a place where I belong.

What is something that the Lord has taught you recently that you would like to share with others?

Waiting. You’d think I would have learned that through infertility, but I am still learning that today. I’m an instant gratification girl, and the Lord is constantly pulling me back to wait for His timing. Something that stuck with me through infertility was the statement that God sees your beginning from the end. I wish I could remember who told me this because it got me through some pretty rough days. Seeing each ending in my life unfold I realize that the beginning was right where it needed to be, and as I look back a lot of times that wasn’t my preference at the start.

“I’m Haley. I’m a Taurus. I like long walks on the beach…” Kidding. Although all true.

I first met Haley as a contributor for Birmingham Moms Blog.  But we have several mutual friends, so I knew a bit about her story prior. Haley and her chicken farmer husband, Bobby, are about to celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary. They have two absolutely perfect babies, curly-headed and vivacious Presley (3 ½) and constantly smiling Knox (22 months). She grew up in Birmingham and now lives with her family on forty acres in Moody, Alabama. Haley says she’s been a reader and storyteller her entire life, which has recently led to God opening some doors to share her family’s story and her testimony. Oh, and, she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer December 2016, and has actively been in treatment since. 

How did you celebrate Mother’s Day?

I spent Mother’s Day at the beach this year. With my husband’s chicken schedule, we take vacations where he can fit them in and it just happened to fall close to our birthdays (mine is May 8th and his is May 19th) and Mother’s Day this year. May is always an incredibly busy month for our family, we literally left right after my daughter performed in her dance recital and headed south. We also took my rockstar mother-in-law with us. She keeps our kids the days they aren’t at MDO so every time we can treat her to trip or a special something we try to do so. Mother’s Day was spent slathering sunscreen on two wiggling littles, blowing sand off snacks they haphazardly dropped, and trying to fit some quick reading time in in front of the waves. Which is practically motherhood in a nutshell, no?

What is unique about your motherhood journey?

I have been blessed with the perspective that only comes when your health and your future are in question. I have breast cancer. Stage four metastatic breast cancer. Knox was only five months old when I found the lump (breastfeeding him, to be exact) and my greatest fear from the moment I found out was for them. Not for me. Not of dying. But for my children having to live a life without their mom. Your mommy is supposed to be your constant. Your safety net. Your one true love. So from the day of my diagnosis until now, I try to be as intentional and as present as possible with my kids. They want to go through the whole process of getting paint supplies out and only using them for ten minutes? That’s cool. Because it is us and it is a memory and that’s what they need from me. Their love and admiration are easily nurtured and fueled by these simple moments of interaction. Plus, the normalcy of everyday life raising two toddlers is the best possible motivator and distraction I could possibly ask for. I know I’ve done so well throughout treatment because I refused to slow down our lives for this disease. I work full time. We go on trips. We build playhouses. I have treatment on Thursday and we go hiking on Friday. Why? Because I’m not letting what the Enemy intended for my harm steal our joy. We have honestly had the most amazing seventeen months since I’ve been diagnosed. People look at me sideways when I say this but I have never had to fully rely on God until now, and the blessing and peace that come with getting to that place are everything you think they would be and much, much more. Is every day easy? Good googley no. But it is so worth it to experience all these things together.

A few weeks ago my daughter Presley had her first swim lesson. This child has been athletically gifted and drawn towards the water her entire life so she was pumped to be going to the pool. I remember sitting on the sidelines and feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude and thinking, “I made it.” I made this milestone. I’m here. She sees me here. We’re here together. I MADE IT. I got that same feeling the other night when Knox was standing on our bed, smile wide, shrieking and giggling and bouncing, screaming, “JUP! JUP!” (Jump! Jump!). I made it. It’s all important and I’m here. God doesn’t promise us forever but He does promise goodness. God willing I will be there for so many more of these moments but being able to look at their little lives through that lens of prayerful thanksgiving is a lesson I wish could teach all the mommies out there.

What is something about motherhood that has made you strong in Christ?

I’m not sure I really understood the profound sacrifice that God made by sending his Son to die on the cross until I had my own children. He didn’t send his wife. He didn’t send his brother. He didn’t send his friend. He sent His child. And that, to me, really puts into perspective His love for me. Thinking of God as an actual father really humanizes Grace for me, and makes it easier to relate to and understand. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl and now having my own children, I can apply that feeling of limitless love and affection to how God must feel for me, only tenfold. I am proud to be a Daughter and a child of the One, True Living God. 

What is something that the Lord has taught you recently that you would like to share with others?

So, about two weeks ago, after my 23rd chemo treatment, a fresh round of scans, and a lumpectomy surgery I found out that I am currently in what they call “complete response” from my cancer. They can’t find it anywhere in my body right now. Let’s just pause a second for what is truly an incredible and miraculous moment of healing from Our Lord and Savior. Thank you Jesus for this mountaintop! When the doctor told me (over the phone while I was at work, no less) I quite literally didn’t know what to do with my body. I honestly just felt, in that moment, that I needed to quit my job and walk the streets to tell people what God has done for me. I was bursting with a need and a drive to talk to strangers or anybody that would listen to my first hand testimony of healing. Well, I can’t quit my job because #healthinsurance, but shouldn’t we always live our lives like that? Bursting to tell others about His incredible power and what He is capable of doing? It may not be being healed from cancer, but it could be an answered prayer for your children or your husband. It is all worthy of His praise and admiration. We should always lead with His goodness. I honestly feel like our excitement and awe are the exact thing that others need to see to be led closer to Christ. This miracle has also taught me to pray audacious prayers. God is still very much in the business of miracles and we should pray in a way that not only acknowledges He is capable of incredible things, but that we can, and should, expect incredible things when we pray.

You know friends that will always remain one particular season or age to you, that’s how I feel about Kristen. In my mind’s eye she’s still nineteen years old and sitting in her dorm room of the Chi Omega house, because that’s when I saw her so often. But I also know differently. Kristen is presently a mother refined by God, and that deserves to be celebrated.

Kristen and her husband, Joel, whom I also knew in college,  live in Indiana with their children Elsie and Simeon. I remember hearing the story of how Joel and Kristen met in 7th grade at a retreat, and they both came home telling their mothers that they were certain they were going to marry the other person. How amazing! Kristen can even remember tangible ways that Joel would love her even when they were so young, like walking her to her chair at church so she wouldn’t have to walk alone past girls who weren’t particularly kind to her.  What fourteen year old boy does that? After college Kristen and Joel married, lived in Alabama for about twelve years, and just recently moved back home. Kristen was an accountant, but now stays at home with Simeon and Elsie. They are also anticipating the arrival of another little one in August.

How do you plan to celebrate Mother’s Day?

Every year for Mother’s Day, my side of the family goes to lunch together. It is such a special time to love my own mother, and to see my sister-in-laws and sister as we’ve become mothers too.  The last few years, in all honesty, have been such an emotional roller coaster on Mother’s Day though. I’ll never forget, a few years ago when we were longing for children, when my amazing mother-in-law gave me a pair of earrings and a card for Mother’s Day that said how she prayed that soon my arms would be tired and heavy and my laundry basket full. Last year was bittersweet as I was so thankful to be a mother to Simeon, yet mourning the fact that Elsie wasn’t home yet when we thought she would be.  So, this Mother’s Day, I truly cannot wait to walk through those doors for lunch, holding the hands of my two children and carrying a baby in my belly.

What is unique about your motherhood journey?

Thinking back to early in our marriage when mothering was simply an idea, I can still feel how confident I was that our plan would work.  Joel and I, before we were even married, knew we wanted to adopt. We were completely open to having biological children as well. So when we started trying for our family we filled out adoption paperwork as well. We prayed both for our adoption and for those lines on a pregnancy test simultaneously.  In my human mind, I had it all figured out. I said everything was in God’s timing; but in reality I figured we would adopt, have kids biologically, and therefore have the large family we dreamed of and everything would be as I always wanted. Although I was a Christian, my walk with the Lord was not strong, and my life was my own to live.  Our reasons for desiring to adopt were Biblical. I didn’t know though that six years later God would use adoption in ways that were painful and stretching and so wonderful. We started by trying to adopt from Ethiopia, and we were excited, bright eyed, and hopeful. As we waited, we took foster care classes so that we could provide respite to families who were in full time foster care.  A year later we found out about a woman who was pregnant in our own state, that desired to make an adoption plan and wanted us to be this child’s parents. We still had not conceived, nor had we gotten close on the Ethiopia list, and so we prayed and said “yes!” We got to know this birth mother over the next months as well.  In September 2014, this sweet, wonderful miracle of a little girl was born. We named her after one of our parents. Joel and I were given a room at the hospital to care for her, and brought her home with us. We were oh so in love, as any new parents are. Days later, sitting on the couch, we received the call that the birth mother had changed her mind. Our worlds collapsed and shattered. That evening, we asked if we could be the ones that carried her back to her birth mother. I wrote this that night, “We dropped off our little girl tonight about an hour ago.  We grieved all day but had a lot of great memories. We gave her her first bath, took pictures in her shark robe, gave her presents to open someday, wrote in her Bible and wrote her letters.  We sent all her things with her for the birth mom. We were able to speak truth over her, the birth mom, and her family about our absolute need for a Savior and that our ultimate desire is for her to know Christ and love him.  That was what we cared about more than anything else. We shared that it is more than religion and absolutely worth it. Thank you all for praying. We feel utterly totally broken. But we know God is in absolute control and that’s where we are at.” Even now, it’s difficult to go back to the moment of that phone call. There are some things that God helps graciously block out, because they are too painful.  What I learned over those next months of grief was that God remained faithful. My screaming, crying, broken heart, confusion, and so forth couldn’t stop His love for me.  And, although it was clear that God had brought us to her, He also was the one who took her from us. Now, years later, God has sewn up our hearts, yet they are tender to the touch.  And that is still good. We love that little girl and her family in a deeper way than we could ever have imagined. This world is not our home, and we may never understand it here, but what we do know is that the Lord knows every detail of that little girl’s life. That He loves her more than we do. What hope that brings! After she was taken from our home we were shaken to find out, weeks later, that I was pregnant. What? This was not the baby I wanted- the baby I wanted was just taken from me. Friends, it isn’t pretty, but that’s how I felt. I was so angry, so upset, and also terrified that my heart wasn’t excited about the life inside of me the way it should be. How could I be so ungrateful? I saw my sin and my anger in ways that appalled me. But the Lord was gracious because He let us sit in that sorrow and confusion, and He was faithful to bring us friends and family who brought meals, spoke truth, and sat as tears puddled on the ground day and night. Then slowly, ever so slowly, joy and excitement grew in our hearts for the life inside of me. We didn’t tell people we were pregnant until almost 18 weeks because I was so afraid of hearing people say, “See! Now you have a baby!” as if I shouldn’t be sad about losing our little girl. But people were so kind, and continued to honor her life while celebrating the one inside of me too. Then, two months before his due date, Simeon Arthur was born.  We were so thankful that he was alive, but we had to wait five weeks for him to come home. We stayed in that NICU, up to 20 hours a day, holding him once we were allowed, trying to nurse in between nose tube feedings, and just watching him grow ounce by ounce. Our little Sim came home on Mother’s Day weekend, three years ago.  This little child that had been in my womb, while I rode every emotion that exists, was now here and I couldn’t imagine our lives without him.  He has the kindest and gentlest personality, and we call him “God’s kindest gift” because God used Simeon to bless us when we were in despair. And, he has continued to be a blessing. After his birth we continued to move closer “up the waiting list” in our Ethiopian adoption. However, we once again were presented with an unexpected challenge. We felt there were hard questions that needed to be asked that were not being answered in ways we felt were God honoring by our agency.  And so, by the end of 2015, we were heavy hearted to have to walk away. We had been so sure of our adoption desire, but God continued to strip it from us and we were confused. In early 2016 we became connected with Mwana Villages in the Republic of Congo. Their mission statement is “Mwana Villages is a grass-roots ministry. We exist to serve the Littles, Bigs, and Mamas through practical and sustainable ways, creating long-term solutions with a goal toward preserving the family.”  There was a little girl living at Mwana in need of adoption, and once again we said “yes” through prayer and walking forward in faith. In my mind, our sorrow was over, the wait was over!  For reasons that eventually changed, we thought Elsie would be home in a matter of months. As those months dragged on, I became so angry with God. Thoughts like, “After everything we have been through! How could you do this to us!” and “You are not loving. You don’t care about our pain.”  My heart knew my accusations were wrong, but once again our God reached out to me through His word, songs, books, and the love of friends and family that spoke truth. I was humbled to see that my heart was so angry- a sin that I thought I had tackled years before. God was ever reminding me that I needed him- not daily- but by the minute to survive. September 2017, we traveled to Congo along with the Archibald project ,who documented our time there. These past seven months with our daughter at home have also been different than we expected- and the Lord is using it to continue to show us where we need Him, where sin exists and needs to be rooted out, and where His love and faithfulness abound.  We found out a few months ago that we are expecting another child due in August, and we are praying this little one does not come early.

What is something about motherhood that has made you strong in Christ?

Motherhood has taught me this: God is good, He is sovereign, and He is faithful for He cannot deny Himself (2 Tim. 2:13). After these past six years, I can boldly proclaim that I know the Lord is in charge of our family – not me.  That each soul He entrusts us with- even for only a few days- was not created for our family alone. HE created that soul for HIS purposes, which will far exceed our little family. That our role as parents is to shepherd and guide, and then watch what their most loving Father does with their lives. That I started this journey with the idea of children being “mine” and “ours.”  Now, I know that my hands must remain open, fingers uncurled, trusting that openness may lead to sorrow; but that everlasting joy will be ours because of our faithful God. We will never understand the mysteries this side of Heaven, but that is okay. We serve a God that does know the answers. And this isn’t our home, as Philippians 3:20 says, “But our Citizenship is in Heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Amen!

What is something that the Lord has taught you recently that you would like to share with others?

Grace.  When we started in the adoption process, I wouldn’t say it out loud, but I was pretty proud that I had all the answers (feel my eye roll even as I type that sentence!).  I was ready to tell anyone who would listen what you do and don’t say to people who are adopting. What they should and shouldn’t say to me after losing that sweet little girl.  The right way and the wrong way to wait well. And then, God broke me- over and over- in ways that were painful and left me realizing that just because I may read the “right books” or have the “right words” if I don’t have HIM I am nothing.  Often, I really don’t have anything except selfish motivation in me (Romans 7). BUT GOD, He still forgives. He sustains and is faithful. That knowledge has softened me. I no longer think I have all the answers. When I see someone in sorrow all I want to say is “I’m so sorry,” and then just cry with them.  “Faith like a child” makes so much more sense to me now, and the more I understand the Gospel the more I am in COMPLETE AND UTTER AWE of it. I realize that I have been given so much grace and so much forgiveness, over and over, from the Lord. My anger towards Him these past six years is such that my own flesh thinks, “I can’t be forgiven for this.”  But our God reminds me that, although my anger put Him on the cross, my anger was also forgiven there. And it reminds me once again, that I need to come daily to the foot of the Cross in thankfulness. I would encourage anyone reading this to spend time with the Lord. Know His Word. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Find someone to do that with you.  Four years ago I started memorizing scripture with my brother, and God has been faithful to use it every step of these past years. Friends, the Lord has been so faithful to sustain, even through total sorrow. Now, when I look at Simeon and Elsie, and my heart is filled with love and joy, I am reminded that it is only the smallest resemblance- just an image- of the love and joy our Heavenly Father has towards us.