Heaven Made Home
  • Categories
    • Friendship
    • Grief & Loss
    • Marriage
    • Parenting
    • Practicing Faith
    • Travel
  • About Hayden
  • Get in Touch
  • Categories
    • Friendship
    • Grief & Loss
    • Marriage
    • Parenting
    • Practicing Faith
    • Travel
  • About Hayden
  • Get in Touch

Heaven Made Home

Author

Hayden Sentenn

Hayden Sentenn

Grief & LossPracticing Faith

The Day I Learned Another Baby Was in Heaven: Amos

I believe very strongly in sharing stories. However, I know that this approach to miscarriage and baby loss is not for every grieving heart. If we are being honest, the loss of our son Amos has made me really want to retreat and keep this closer to the chest than ever before. I’m a little tired of sharing “sad” stories. But stronger still is the push from my Heavenly Father to share this baby’s story and give Him the glory because that is NOT a sad story. The story of my babies in Heaven is a story full of Hope for those who believe because it hinges on the Goodness of a God who is near and knows our sorrows. If you are reading this as a grieving Mama, please know, this story is one I tell with hope that you will feel less alone and look to the Father for the only Hope we will ever be able to find from the appalling heartbreak of miscarriage.

Baby Amos caught us by surprise with a positive pregnancy test on February 1, 2020. I remember getting a phone call from my husband Andy a couple of days later as he admitted, “Okay, I am excited now!” It took a minute for both of us, but once we got excited we were all in. I will never forget hearing that heartbeat the day before my brother’s wedding. We told our daughters, Abigail (3 years) and Annie (1 year), on Valentine’s Day with cookie decorating. Despite my nervous feelings of having two toddlers, I was even more excited about seeing Annie in the role of big sister. 

Early in pregnancy we had a pretty significant hurdle to jump in the form of a hematoma. However, we clung to our faith that God’s will would be done and His plans have always been greater. We shared the knowledge of the hematoma with our family and closest friends so they could be praying. Due to the hematoma, my very caring and thorough doctor requested more common appointments and ultrasounds. Thanks be to God, the hematoma very quickly resolved itself. We were happy to hear the heartbeat of our growing baby a few times for this reason. Having lost a baby to miscarriage before, I tend to keep my guard up a bit, but I will admit that after the hematoma healed I felt very hopeful about a healthy and growing baby. So I started doing all of the Mama dreaming about the amazing things to come for our family with the addition of this sweet life due to arrive in early October. 

On March 12, 2020 I went to have a 9 week check up. After this appointment I would get the “all clear” so I could move on to having the normal series of milestone appointments. Now looking back though the Lord was preparing me for heartbreak on that day. I actually sent a text message to my husband while sitting in the waiting room admitting that my spirit felt uneasy. 

The ultrasound tech was the first stop in the doctor’s office. It didn’t take long for me to notice that there was no flicker on the monitor. “There’s definitely a little one in there,” she said in an attempt to be reassuring. She wanted to get a closer look just to be sure, but we both knew what had happened. My baby’s heartbeat had stopped probably a few days prior. Unfortunately, so much of this process felt very familiar to me. I sat alone once again in my doctor turned friend’s office with tears in my eyes but a sacred peace in my heart. Though the pain was one I have known before this particular loss feels so puzzling- “Why us?” and “Why again?” We can’t linger at those questions for too long or go down the rabbit hole too deep, even though our God can handle our questions and our doubts. Instead we cling to the Truth and our assurance that God knows the answers that we were never meant to know. More than His knowing is the experience of letting Him hold us up and feeling His nearness in the midst of our grieving. And He will.

Having lost two babies to miscarriage now, and feeling our odds of a healthy baby appear to by 50/50, we prayed for some sort of medical explanation for this loss. So for those that are curious about the medical side of this, we found out that our baby was just as my Mama heart had told me- a boy. However, his uniqueness is that he had an extra set of chromosomes known as triploidy. Furthermore, the placenta was abnormally forming as a partial molar tumor. For this reason, my visits to the hospital are still frequent. If you are a praying person, please continue to pray for us in our emotional health and my physical health. 

Happy one month in Heaven to our precious Samuel “Amos” Sentenn. I love you endlessly, buddy, and the God that rescued us both loves you even more. 

And to the grieving Mama, please know you are not alone. God is near. He is still good. And He can be trusted. Plus, you have a friend in me.


More than words can ever say, thank you, Jesus, for preparing a way for me and my babies in Heaven, Amos and Eva Mae. Because of You and for You alone, Jesus- Heaven Made Home.

April 13, 2020
Uncategorized

Announcing the Arrival of ANSLEY GENE SENTENN

Annie was born on December 16, 2018

at 4:52 A.M.

weighing 7 lbs. 4 oz.

19 3/4 inches long

With great excitement & thankfulness, 

Andy, Hayden, and big sister Abigail Sentenn 

Praise God!

 

December 23, 2018
ParentingPracticing Faith

Holding Fast to Traditions with Lindsay Oakley

I have long been a traditionalist and a sentimentalist. I distinctly remember being a child and getting upset with my Mom when a holiday or family tradition was changed, even for a perfectly logical reason. I think it’s just how some of us are wired. While I respect that not all people hold traditions with such high regard, I do think the memories that we attach with traditions are of such great value. If you’ve ever experienced a loss of someone or a heartbreak of some kind then you know that memories  are invaluable. 

Prior to becoming a Mom myself I took note of my friend Lindsay Oakley, and the thoughtfulness that she possessed as a mother. She established traditions and created so many magical moments for her family that I know her girls will cherish forever. Furthermore, she was intentional to keep Christ as the focus and teach her girls lessons alongside the fun! It never seemed like it was about the photo on social media, but about what she wanted her girls to remember in the future. 

As it is now December and we all prepare for this magical season I’ve seen and been asked by several moms about what traditions our family keeps. Since I’ve gained so much inspiration from Lindsay I wanted to ask the same of her. I do not doubt you’ll have some sort of take-away from this interview.

How would you describe your family? 

We’re pretty much your average middle-class family, living the traditional American dream with two kids, two dogs, and a house in the suburbs. On any given day you’ll find my daughters (ages 9 and 7) wearing matching clothes, our family eating dinner on paper plates, and me having a Coke for breakfast. Our second home is our church where both myself and my husband work in full-time ministry. We wouldn’t want it any other way!

What is unique about your motherhood journey? 

My motherhood journey is not incredibly unique. I would say that I’ve had the unique perspective of being both a stay at home mom and a full-time working mom at different seasons since my girls were born. I fall on both sides of the debate, and can sympathize with the challenges and conveniences of both.  Also, I can confirm that both are equally as hard and equally as rewarding.

What is something that you’ve learned from being a mother that has made you stronger in Christ? 

As I reflect on the gift of being a mom and what it’s taught me, I always go back to the virtue of sacrifice. Being a mom requires great sacrifice of self. It requires me to give stuff up for the benefit of my daughters, to put my own desires aside for their best interests. That is sacrificial love, and I’m learning every day that that’s exactly what Christ did for us.  Putting that in perspective makes the little inconveniences and the big sacrifices so very worth it. It draws me close to Him because I can’t do it alone. It gives me great purpose. It’s a motherhood game-changer.

Why are traditions significant to you and your family? 

Traditions have always been special to me because I grew up with many. My mom taught me to make any excuse to celebrate, to always add that extra special touch, and to celebrate with intentionality. Now that I have daughters of my own I love doing the things with them that she did with me. Traditions give us something exciting to look forward to and something special to treasure. They are passed from generation to generation, and there’s just something special about that! While many traditions we hold are silly, light-hearted and fun, others are deeply spiritual and meaningful and they give us opportunities to disciple our kids with great intentionality.

What are your family’s Christmas traditions? And how to do maintain them? 

Good gracious I have so many Christmas traditions I would bore you tears listing them all!  In addition to getting new Christmas jammies, welcoming our elves (yes, two of them), baking Christmas cookies, giving “sister gifts”, and visiting Santa, we also make every effort to create traditions with great meaning that help us focus our minds and hearts on the true meaning of Christmas. Those are the ones that we cherish the most. 

Each night in December we make time for an Advent family devotion. We’ve done many different things over the years (Jesse Tree ornaments, Joy Cards, Jesus Story Book Bible advent calendar, etc.), but I’ve learned that what we do isn’t as important as making sure we do SOMETHING.  That focused time together to reflect on the beautiful story of creation to Christ makes our holiday season laced with scripture and centered on Him. This time together culminates on Christmas Eve when we talk about the birth of Christ. My husband reads the Biblical account from Luke 2 and the girls use our nativity to “act out” the story as He reads. To close, we take our Baby Jesus nativity piece and place him in a small gift box. In the morning when the girls awake that box is the first gift we open. Before we dive into presents and see what Santa brought, we think about Jesus being our first and greatest gift. We place him in the nativity and thank God for the gift of His son, our Savior. It’s the sweetest time each Christmas morning! I literally weep every year watching them open our first gift and finding Jesus with such anticipation. At one time I led the conversation, but now that my girls are older they’re the ones who lead it and it’s so special to see them articulate so beautifully why God’s Son is our greatest gift. It’s my favorite tradition by far!

A close second is our Christmas Day tradition of going somewhere to serve others as a family. From delivering cookies to a hospital waiting room, to feeding the homeless, or even visiting residents in a local nursing home, there are so many ways you can make service a priority. We’re teaching our girls that the day isn’t just about us- that there are people who are hurting and in need of God’s love. It’s an intentional way to take our attention away from the gifts and the goodies and to focus on others. After all, isn’t that a much better use of our time than spending another hour playing with toys or eating more calories?

Speaking of calories- it’s not Christmas at our house until you’ve made a Happy Birthday Jesus cake!  It’s a fun, easy tradition that’s also tasty and purposeful!

No matter how you celebrate at your house, I hope you take every opportunity to weave Christ into your Christmas season- or every season, as a matter of fact! Many years from now I don’t want to be remembered for baking amazing Christmas cookies or giving the perfect gift, but instead by how I pointed my family to Jesus in ways they don’t soon forget. That’s my prayer for me and for you!

December 4, 2018
ParentingPracticing Faith

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room

I’m totally riding the coattails of my dear friend Kendall Kennedy right now, which by the way, I will gladly do anytime because she has so many great ideas.

This is 100% something that the Lord put on her heart, and she’s been working on for long hours. But when she needed an editor and found me on modified bedrest it just worked out that I could help her out!

This project happened probably quicker than she would have liked, but I think that’s what makes it authentically God’s project and really moves us out of the way. Life is chaotic, amen? Advent is more real for both of us this year as she and her family take on a big move (tomorrow!)  and I may or may not be in active labor! It’s truly laughable. But it’s amazing to feel the love of God in the chaos, and remember just how similar these real life moments are to the anticipation of Jesus’ birth. So thanks to Kendall and her beautiful, obedient heart here is an Advent study for your children:

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room <— click link here for curriculum!

Every day’s lesson comes with teaching content similar to story-time, an activity, key point, and closing prayer. We both pray it blesses families and especially the hearts of little ones as we anticipate with excitement the Christmas day that we all know will come- praise God!

 “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'” Matthew 19:14

November 29, 2018
Grief & Loss

Before October passes me by…

It was my fellow ginger friend and literary character, Anne of Green Gables, that first publicly proclaimed what so many of us feel deep inside. “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” It’s easy to enjoy this month with its changing of temperature (even though it’s a complete yo-yo effect where I live) and color of leaves. There’s a pumpkin on nearly every doorstep, and much fun to be had with a Fall festival or a football game every weekend. But what I have failed to mention is that October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Now, while I am a fan of celebrating any occasion, I also poke great fun of living in a society where we have “national holidays” for nearly every dessert, animal, and relationship (once again, thank you, social media!). But, the history behind this nationally-recognized month and the hearts and people that are recognized by it are worth noting.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month began in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan when he said, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.  This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world.  It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.” It’s a loss so difficult to comprehend until you’ve walked through it, and though so common still can feel so isolating.

What matters most though isn’t the history or the month itself, but the grieving parents who have and are walking through this loss and the babies we love and long for that are in Heaven. Since January, not a day has gone by that I don’t ache for our baby in Heaven. We adore you, little one, and I so look forward to joining you in the presence of Jesus one fine day.

May God bless anyone that has experienced the loss of a baby with a peace only He can provide. 

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

2 Thessalonians 3:16

October 28, 2018
ParentingPracticing Faith

SING with Ellie Holcomb

Ellie Holcomb. To think that I’ve known this amazingly thoughtful and talented human for over a decade, before marriage and the babies and adult life, and for her… being an award-winning recording artist (Dove Award in 2014). I distinctly remember sending her an e-mail in college joking about being her nanny while she and Drew were on tour one day. At that time she was a newly-married English teacher, and I was hoping to one day be a writer. Life is funny! I also remember having to convince Samford University, my alma mater, to let her and Drew play at a small on-campus coffee house called Harry’s. Considering that they now both play for sold-out audiences, these memories are purely laughable! God always has a plan and His ways will prevail. I have seen that so clearly in my friend Ellie’s life. In the distance and the busyness we have had a million reasons to lose touch, but she has been a faithful friend and I will always be one of her “biggest fans.” Most recently, her thoughtfulness, prayers, and music have made such an impact on me in my grief. I could say a million things about what an amazing human she truly is, as a friend and mother, Christ-follower and musician. But more than anything, her ability to be so incredibly genuine and transparent while also joyful and encouraging is uncanny. She is the real deal, and I’m blessed to know her. When she told me months ago that she would be releasing her first children’s album and book I was so delighted. Whether you have children or not, you will want to get a copy of her latest releases even for yourself. These newest releases are truly for everyone!

Thanks, dear Ellie, for so many things… and for taking the time to share some words with us here.

Continue Reading

September 24, 2018
Grief & LossParentingPracticing Faith

“How’s your pregnancy going?”

My first thought is, do they want the honest answer or not? I think that’s a pretty common thought for most any question that’s asked in passing, right? I mean, even a simple “how are you?” can be difficult to answer depending on the season you’re in, though completely well-intentioned. But here’s my super convoluted answer:

This pregnancy, like all of my pregnancies, has been difficult physically. This pregnancy, unlike my previous pregnancies, has been difficult emotionally. Am I grateful to be pregnant? Absolutely! More than anything though I just hope and pray to hold a healthy baby in my arms in December. Like any loss, you can empathize with it, but pregnancy after miscarriage is impossible to understand unless you’ve been there.

First of all, there’s the trying or desire to get pregnant after loss that is hard to navigate. Will I be able to do this? That sounds like a basic question, but just like the rest of this there are so many layers to it. You fear that this could be a pattern. That the brokenheartedness that you’ve experienced could happen again. Because the truth you now know is that it can happen because it does and it did happen… to you. And can I handle that? The naivety of it all is gone. The other part of this is, can I move on from the baby I lost and love again? You almost feel like a bad Mom or incredibly insensitive parent to even want another baby. But here’s the deepest truth tangled in all of this, the Enemy feeds off of these questions and the doubting. The greatest reality that I found when I just kept pressing in spite of was that God is bigger. Hallelujah for that! The will I and the can I questions were answered with a resounding, “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'” Well, ok, then… 

The luster of lost things is there, the concern over every bizarre physical change, and the fight to find joy and peace in the midst of naivety lost are all real things. Greater still though is the realization of the truth that God is bigger. There is peace that comes when faced with the reality that I have totally lost control of this. In fact, I never had control to begin with and I never will. It’s good to lose it all. He has known this all along, and I’m just now starting to figure it out. It is good to confront emotional turmoil and physical inability with a faith that He works all things for good. And He does… and He always will… 

September 1, 2018
ParentingPracticing Faith

Back to {Home} School with Joanna Ballentine

Remember those adorable little models in the last blog post for Sullivan Yates? Those were my friend Joanna’s precious two, Theo and Alma. Joanna has been a friend of mine since she turned my hair into a work of art on my wedding day. She’s truly one of the most thoughtful and creative people I know. As mothers most all mothers do we both care very much about our children and are passionate about their education. However, as I am a public school teacher, we have pretty different approaches to reaching a similar end goal. I find her approach though and hard work with her children to be very admirable, and love learning from her. I thought you might enjoy hearing her thoughts too.

Continue Reading

August 26, 2018
Grief & LossParentingPracticing Faith

Laura McCarty | Sullivan Yates

If you follow me on social media, or know me personally, then you know that the event known as “back-to-school” is marked as a holiday at our house. As a teacher myself, from a long line of teachers too, the school calendar very obviously impacts our calendar and the way our family operates. Therefore, after having Abigail and deciding to continue teaching I decided that every year we would celebrate this time as a family. So we’ve returned to school, we’ve celebrated for a week, and we find ourselves very content to be home this weekend. But while in my classroom this week my new (and precious) students and I had a conversation about how everyone has their own unique story. Furthermore, we reflected on how other people’s stories, both friends and strangers, can impact us too.

Laura McCarty has impacted my life and became one of my heroes of the faith a couple of years ago, even before my own grief, though I don’t know her too personally. She’s a home town girl in Birmingham, and we have many mutual friends. But, how interesting that in 2018 you can watch or hear someone’s story from a far, namely through social media, and be moved in such an impactful way. That’s part of what God impressed upon me though when I started this little blog in the midst of my own grief. While trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart I was reminded of a few mamas, Laura being one of them, and so I’m glad to share her motherhood story with you here now.

How would you describe your family?

I feel like we are just your average family. Mark and I met a long time ago, but reconnected after we both graduated from college. We fell in love fast. We began dating, were engaged, and married all in a years time. We are the exact same and the exact opposite in so many ways. We have two fur babies, Lily and Coast, that make us vacuum every day of the week. We have two beautiful girls, Sullivan and Miller. Sullivan went to be with Jesus in October of 2016. Miller joined us in March of 2018, and has brought us such joy. Sullivan and Miller are 16.5 months apart and the light of our lives.

Continue Reading

August 11, 2018
Grief & LossPracticing Faith

Our Baby isn’t Here

I’ve put this off for over a week. I really don’t want to be transparent, or even really have to ponder this too deeply. But my baby made me brave from start to finish. By the grace of God, all of my babies have done that for me. I have no idea what I am about to type or how I am going to try to shuffle through the various emotions that I’ve had over the past week or more. However, I think it’s worth trying to communicate because I know that I am not alone in this, and once again if anyone can find some strength from my process then I’ll try to share as honestly as I can. To God be the glory!

Our baby isn’t here.

July 25, 2018 was the expected due date. I just knew she would come early like her big sister, but I hoped maybe not quite as early. But it would’ve been really fun if she would’ve come that day because it’s the day before my Mom’s birthday, and I adore my Mom. What a fun way to celebrate for years to come! July 25th came and went, and that baby would never come because she went to Heaven in January. That’s a hard reality regardless of the fact that I now am carrying another baby that’s thankfully healthy and has surpassed the life of my baby in Heaven. Every single day since January 16, 2018 I have missed and longed for that sweet baby in Heaven though. Emotions are less severe, but the ache is still the same. I suppose it always will be that way. July 25th will never pass by as it has before.

That week though my family was at the beach all together, so we chose to celebrate our sweet baby on a beautiful day a couple days prior. We bought a single cupcake and made a picnic on the beach. We talked about the baby, the three of us, and it felt like we were all together enjoying the sun, sugar, and the waves. I am so grateful for that moment, and hope we continue this little tradition of celebrating our angelic family member. 

When July 25th came I was a bit weird. I teared up about most every little thing. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to press through, but mostly I just wanted the day to end. I survived it, the day that didn’t go according to my plan. The truth is that no day is about my plan, is it? That’s a tough pill to swallow, and even harder to surrender to the reality of daily.

Days later I reflected on how this life is a dance of joy and sorrow, celebration and grief, exactly. It’s really beautiful that way, and it’s hard too. But I have seen the Lord through this season, and He has carried me through it all, just as I carried my baby for 13 weeks. Selah.

August 3, 2018
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4

About Me

About Me

“The world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”
Hebrews 13:14

Recent Posts

  • The Day I Learned Another Baby Was in Heaven: Amos

    April 13, 2020
  • Announcing the Arrival of ANSLEY GENE SENTENN

    December 23, 2018
  • Holding Fast to Traditions with Lindsay Oakley

    December 4, 2018

Follow Along

No images found!
Try some other hashtag or username

Categories

  • Friendship
  • Grief & Loss
  • Marriage
  • Parenting
  • Practicing Faith
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized

Archives

  • April 2020
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018

About me

banner
If you know Hayden (that’s me!) then you know that I’m a gal that lives fully engaged in life here on Earth. I’ve spent thirty years making goals, plans, and striving to live the fullest life possible.

Popular Posts

  • 1

    Motherhood, Loss, & God Glorified :: Rebecca Ellis

    April 27, 2018
  • 2

    Motherhood, Loss, & God Glorified :: Jamie Lynn Dorr

    April 6, 2018
  • 3

    Welcome to Heaven Made Home

    January 20, 2018

Newsletter

Sign up below to receive email notifications for new posts!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

© 2019 Heaven Made Home | Site by MMODERN


Back To Top