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  • About Hayden
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Friendship

FriendshipParentingPracticing Faith

Same here, Sisterfriend.

When I recently reentered blogging world I was introduced to this outrageously funny book at a time when I needed something that could make me laugh, and it did just that. I honestly don’t know how it happened other than by God’s grace, but I became a part of a launch group for this book, Same here, Sisterfriend, by a hometown girl, Holly Mackle (that’s her photographed below, by the way).

What I most appreciate about Holly, and her book, is that through the laughter and the misadventure we women are able to go back to a place where the things that don’t matter no longer matter. It’s not about how you became a Mama or if you had a c-section or why you breastfed or who feeds their kid a strictly vegan diet or how you amazingly potty-trained your child before age two, is it? We are all just doing the best we can, and are blessed to be called Mama. Right, sisterfriend?

When I asked Holly how she typically introduces herself to people she said that she first lets it sink in that her name is precariously close to “Holy Mackerel!” But after she gets the head tilt and a giggle she knows that the bad joke, also known as her name, will sink in. So join me in learning a little more about Holly and this fantastic summer read, Same here, Sisterfriend.

What has made your motherhood journey unique in some way? 

These two crazy, unique little misfits are what makes it that way for me—both through parenting their sin patterns (that so often mirror mine) and encouraging their unique expressions of God’s character and glory. It was life-changing for me when I realized that I’m the only one in the whole world with the tools in her toolbox to mother these two in the way God wants them to be mothered, and that makes me one in a zillion. I love to reflect on God’s specific choosing of me to be their mama and the two of them to be my daughters. We’ve each been uniquely created for many purposes—but one of my personal favorites is to be their mama.

How did Same Here, Sisterfriend begin in the first place? 

I’ve been in a book club for several years now, and as the members transitioned into motherhood fewer and fewer of us were actually reading the book. We just kept getting together because we needed the camaraderie and the laughter. But this one magical time someone picked a humor book and everyone read. It was the craziest thing and it got me thinking, so this book really started as an experiment—I wanted to see if some of the funniest and most talented women I’ve ever met could write humor that was essentially good clean fun. I wanted victimless humor, that didn’t dishonor God or our belief systems, but that was at its core as hilarious and real as possible.

There are women writing articles and pieces and even books that are both great fun and theologically sound, but comparatively speaking, there just aren’t that many of them in the marketplace compared to secular female humorists, and I wasn’t buying it that they didn’t exist in the church. I just have too many friends who love BOTH their Bibles and a perfectly-timed Mary Katherine Gallagher impersonation.

So I asked a few of my favorite friends and writers what they thought and the craziest ones jumped onboard!

Who or what makes you laugh the most? 

My husband is really funny, and he keeps me laughing. And maybe my most favorite thing right now is watching my girls’ senses of humor develop. (Though you won’t hear any complaints from me once we’re past the knock-knock joke phase…) But one of my favorite things has always been to sit in a room with a group of women I care about and just crack each other up.

What is something about motherhood that has made you strong in Christ? 

I hadn’t experienced this complete emptying of self until I had kids. There’s an extreme end-of-yourselfness that I am led to believe only happens once you’re responsible for the life of a tiny, helpless person, and you feel incapable of making even the smallest decisions because they all seem like a huge thing. I found myself at the feet of Jesus in ways I never had before after my first daughter was born, and I still reflect back on that time with a variety of emotions, but one of them is definitely gratitude. It is a fearsome thing to experience so vividly that there is a God in charge of all life and you are not Him.

What is something that the Lord has taught you lately that you’d like to share with others? 

God is using the feedback on this book to show me just how very similar we are as women and moms. We have so many of the same fears, desires, struggles, and heartbreaks, and evil’s primary tactic is this isolation construct that strives to make each and every one of us believe we are alone and that everyone else is great and has it all together. Real friendship is powerful in this battle, and we need to have each other’s backs. My very best friends fight for me, and I want to be the kind of friend that fights for them too—reminding us that we’re not alone, there is no temptation that is not common to man, and that none of this is accidental, but rather our stories are created and written by the hand of a kind and loving God.

Because as much as we can be tempted to think that, as moms, the highest priority is 
that we have it together, here's the real-live truth: it's way more important that we 
have each other. - from Same Here, Sisterfriend

Same Here, Sisterfriend can be ordered on Amazon, because I know you have a Prime account, (on sale!) following any of these links (like here) throughout this post.

June 4, 2018
FriendshipGrief & LossMarriagePracticing Faith

Marriage & Friendship after Miscarriage

Anointed Relationships

We’ve all been in a place where you don’t feel equipped for something, like loving someone well in the midst of a devastating loss. Where do you even begin in trying to comfort them? What are the right words to say? What could you do to make it better? These are questions we’ve all honestly had before as long as we are doing our job- loving people. The questions themselves aren’t wrong because our heart is in the right place. But the Enemy likes to keep us in that place of insecurity. The Enemy works well in this place, and far too often that’s where we stop. We just freeze in our uncertainty of what to do and don’t lean in to love more. But the truth is that God has equipped us to love in spite of our insecurities and questions, because He gives us enough grace.

I recently had the privilege of hearing Katherine Wolf speak on anointing with oil in the context of a camp she and her husband founded for individuals and families with disabilities. She explained so beautifully how this practice of anointing is a covenant that communicates that you will stay when it gets hard. Jesus stayed when it got hard too. This type of commitment to love is exactly what Jesus requires. It speaks against what is said to be the greatest human fear- abandonment.

This commitment to love in the midst of the grief, loss, and all of the hard stuff is beautifully portrayed in marriage and in friendship. The enemy has tried to attack me through both of these relationships in light of my recent loss, but I am so grateful to say that God has overcome in both. 

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus… Philippians 2:1-7

Marriage

I mentioned in my first post that when I found out that we lost the baby I was alone. That’s where the Enemy started to work, in the least creative way possible, to try to drive a wedge between my husband and I. By the grace of God, I decided in those really dark moments that I had lost enough. I would not lose my marriage because I had a choice in this. What did this look like? This looked like scrubbing dishes at the sink with tears in my eyes, talking to God, and telling the Enemy to flee from my home and my mind. Praying for a Christ-centered perspective of marriage, trusting God, and a commitment to your sacred vows are not simply buzz words. These words are the actual hard and holy things that we are called to do.

I am thankful that I was aware from the beginning that Andy and I would experience grief differently after losing our baby. This awareness can’t be explained past the working of the Holy Spirit. I give credit to the Holy Spirit because I am a woman with what feels like a natural instinct to build up expectations just to be proven wrong. We had different emotional and physical connections with our baby in those three months prior to our loss. Therefore, it made sense to me that our grief would be different too. Though I know all of this to be true I still had to remind myself of this more than once over these past couple of months. We have realized that despite our grief looking different, we are both still grieving nevertheless. In spite of the Enemy’s lies,  we are not grieving alone.

The unity of marriage is a sacred and beautiful thing. The key is to remain in unity. Even though your experiences are so different, on a basic level his are not physical, it’s important to still communicate and share in one another’s suffering. We have to look past our own feelings, experiences, and circumstances and see the other person and theirs. It’s no easy task, but the miracle of it all is easily worth it. This terribly hard season is bringing my marriage to a place that is more tender, compassionate, and grace-giving. I could not be more thankful for a union this strong, thanks to the power of our God.

Friendship

Years ago, prior to this life event, Andy and I studied with our small group how Job’s friends comforted him simply with their presence. There is a human thread that connects all of us, and the need for companionship is real no matter our personality. We were blessed with countless acts of love and thoughtfulness over the past two months. As I remember, the one that was most moving was having my best friend drive down from Nashville just to sit with me.

Solidarity with suffering requires actual presence, whether it’s physical or otherwise. When you know someone in the midst of suffering, join them. I can say truly that I remember every text, phone call, meal delivered, and note. I doubt I will ever forget those people that took the time to do so. They were the hands and feet of Jesus in those first few weeks.

Send the text. Make the phone call. Mail the letter. Drive to their home. Show up with love for your neighbor, and in doing so you are serving God.

Every Christian should seek to be a comfort to our friends and neighbors in times of sorrow. However, we tend to stay away due to fear of being inadequate. We do harm instead of good when we let sufferers suffer alone. If instead we use God as our teacher of comfort, we will know how to bless others in their times of loss and pain.

When people ask what has blessed me most these past couple of weeks in my state of mourning I can honestly say prayer. It has sustained me and my family. If you catch yourself typing out the words: “I’ll be praying for you,” I encourage you to pray before you press send. Remembering someone before the God of all comfort is the greatest thing you can possibly do. It also, not coincidentally, requires the least amount of time and planning.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born of adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Comforter Jesus

Furthermore, when we know Jesus as a comforter we are able to sing songs of trust even in the night’s darkness. In my grief, I have seen Jesus in the loyal love that has been shown to me both in my marriage and in friendships. Once again, let me say… Praise God for my husband and dear friends!

March 23, 2018
FriendshipGrief & LossMarriageParentingPracticing Faith

Welcome to Heaven Made Home

I am so grateful that you are here. The Lord has made it very clear that this is something He wants me to do in this season. And if there’s anything that I want to teach my growing toddler Abigail by way of example it’s- obedience. So here I am, Lord!

This blog was carved out of a place in my heart from a loved baby that I will never know this side of Heaven. This has been the darkest time in the life of my family thus far, no question; but it’s also been a season of deep joy that comes from the nearness of God. It is so true that He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and His nearness provides the sight to see the blessings that I missed before- and there is joy. We are also finding great peace in knowing that our unborn baby will be used for His glory. I pray that this blog is a space where we are more engaged in the joy and peace of Christ than the brokenheartedness caused by a life gone too soon in my limited, human mind’s eye. However, I am finding now that you can’t have the former without the latter. There is no joy and peace without sorrow and brokenheartedness. I am truly thankful that the Lord allowed me to experience this tension of the two so that I can experience Him in a way I never have before. My angel baby has changed my life, and I pray that in some way because of Him you will be changed too. 

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January 20, 2018

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“The world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”
Hebrews 13:14

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If you know Hayden (that’s me!) then you know that I’m a gal that lives fully engaged in life here on Earth. I’ve spent thirty years making goals, plans, and striving to live the fullest life possible.

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